Many years ago, when I was a senior in high school, there was this girl. To be honest, I lusted after many girls, as most boys do around that age, but I really wanted her. She was Ukrainian, had this sexy accent, and to be quite frank, an amazing ass. I remember going on a field trip and following her around like toilet paper on a shoe. We had talked a bit, so my light stalking isn't as creepy as it may sound. She even signed my yearbook, which I still have. Nothing came of it however, and I went off to college.
Fast forward to around New Years Eve 2004. I had chatted with her on Facebook, and was excited when she reciprocated my interest. We met up, and after escaping a gauntlet with a good friend of mine as competition, made it back to my place. We listened to music, danced, and then sat on my bed. We began to talk and next thing, we had this kiss. It was no ordinary kiss...it was a Big Bang kiss. A new universe was created, as electricity surged from my lips through my body.
We begun dating, and eventually lost our virginities to one another. It was special. After several weeks, I knew I loved her. We would write letters, not emails, to one another. We visited each other about every other week, staying in the others dorm. I had eyes for no one else but her. After about 3 months however, things began to change.
I noticed more distance...I can faintly recall an incident where she disclosed that she was over some other guys house and things happened. Even then, I could sense it coming...we were going to break up. When the big day came, she met me at this fountain near the center of town and dumped me. Said she was no longer attracted to me and wanted to be single (Sagittarius). I tried to argue my way back into the relationship but it was a done deal.
I was devastated. I cried a lot that summer. I was working at a pizza joint in the mall and remember seeing her a few times (thankfully only with girlfriends). We were only together for 3 and a half months, although this relationship had a significant effect on me. Nothing was the same after that. Somehow, I lost or sealed away my ability to be truly vulnerable in relationships. Any relationship I've had since, the only thing bruised has been my ego.
That's my catharsis and remarkably, I am still emotionally stirred even when I share that story. Its almost like Forgetting Sarah Marshall but no Mila Kunis has entered my life yet. I wanted to share that story with you for many reasons but I want to clarify this 'Persephone' thing for you and me. Just a little more set up and I'll dig into the astrological bag.
Earlier this year, I ended my 7-month tenure at the world's leading lingerie brand. Working in retail makes you crazy, so of course, I had fantasies for the mannequins (but not in that way!). It was more like, I envisioned this woman who was very sexy and would look spectacular in all the free lingerie I was receiving. I pictured her having this dark aesthetic and named her Persephone. Persephone actually grew in concept, and I wanted to have my own lingerie store. Then it shrank, and I really just wanted to be truly happy in a relationship (subconsciously, happy like my first relationship I described earlier).
What was going on in the heavens when I met 'Persephone' incarnation number 1? We are both Sages, although I think she is a second decan. Venus was in Sagittarius, my 3rd house, and conjunct my Uranus. Mars was in Sagittarius, conjunct my Sun/Saturn, in my 2nd house. Jupiter was in Libra, conjunct my Mars/ASC, opposite Moon. Neptune was conjunct my Jupiter in Aquarius, 4th house. Venus was also conjuncting Pluto (both transits, no natal), albeit wide at about 5 degrees.
So Venus softens the electrifying Uranus, adding charm or allure to my eccentric expression. Mars gives a boost to my ego, making an otherwise girl-shy 19 year old me go for it! In turn, Jupiter expands my sex drive and assertiveness, further pushing me towards consummating my feelings. Being opposite the moon, it produces either incredible attraction or repulsion and luckily for me its the former! Neptune hooking up with Jupiter gave me a good dose of idealistic optimism, quelling any fears or insecurities. Venus and Pluto...well, that is quite the sexual combination and I'm sure it set the mood for our union.
Basically, I got a big push from the cosmos saying "go for it, we got your back!" Other than that, there's nothing really special about that time. I'm not going to predict finding "the one," on the basis of that configuration. She ended up being special, but I think it was more about me and that time in my life.
What I will do in part II is examine what astrological energies I should look for, taking into account my own responsibility/development in facilitating a satisfying union.
-Shade
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