The Nodal Axis

The nodal axis is very important, and something I am really just beginning to understand and comfortably assimilate into my astrological practice. My first more in-depth reading was a few years ago, when I purchased Astrology for the Soul by Jan Spiller. I am a North Node Taurus and much of what she wrote was accurate. Somehow, as fascinated as I was, I didn't really explore it more. I guess we're ready when we're ready. Let's look at what some others have to say before I get into my experience:

From Astro.com:
"They seem to have a profoundly metaphysical meaning, since it is on these points that the Sun, Moon and Earth are in alignment, so they are the meeting place, symbolically, of spirit, soul and matter, both collectively and individually. Another important point about the nodal axis is that it is moving in the opposite direction to the Sun and all the other planets. As the angles and all the planets move forward or anti-clockwise around our charts, they describe how we engage with and relate to the world around us. The Ascendant/Descendant axis and the MC/IC axis are doors into the world, describing our struggle to extract ourselves from the parental matrix, to put down our own roots and find our own place in the world, and to define ourselves through partnerships. In contrast, the nodal axis moves backward or clockwise around our charts. It is not so tied up with the dramas of life. Rather, it seems to function as a doorway into other dimensions, where we can sometimes glimpse or sense our soul's purpose and pattern, our entelechy, the deeper purpose and function of our existence. And this can be very different from the more conscious or worldly goals we set for ourselves."

From MauriceFernandez.com:
"The Nodal Axis of the Moon not only describes our identity and attachments, but also our growth processes and evolution occurring on an identity level. The South Node captures the identity we bring with us into this world from past life experiences: how we personally perceive existence and go about it. In other words, the South Node tells of our general approach to life based on where we are coming from and what we have experienced. This can include great achievements or conversely traumatic experiences. The North Node describes themes that we need to learn about and incorporate into our existing identity so that we can resolve issues we are coming with, or else expand on existing foundations.
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It seems, however, that when the Nodes are studied a common misconception about them keeps reappearing. This misconception is specific to the understanding and use of the South Node, which is often perceived as something one must evolve away from, or even worse, a debilitating influence. Personal research shows that what happens in reality may be different: the South Node is a highly important factor that stimulates new development and growth just as much as the North Node does.
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The main principle to understand and incorporate is that regardless of where one is at when beginning the current incarnation, one must eventually balance the Nodal extremes. Until this is completed, internal polarization is bound to cause crisis and mismanagement in one’s life. It may be worth using the Nodal Axis as an axis and adopting a more holistic approach that sees both Nodes as equally relevant. Our past described in the South Node cannot be dismissed—it is an integral part of our future as well."

From CafeAstrology.com:
"The theory behind the Nodes of the Moon (the North Node and South Node) suggests that we all come into this world with some underdeveloped and overdeveloped aspects of our character. The Nodes of the Moon point us to these specific qualities: the South Node suggests our overdeveloped character traits that are easy for us to fall back on, but that may undermine our lives if we hold on to these traits for security; while the North Node suggests the qualities that we need to develop in order to find inner balance.
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The Nodes of the Moon suggest personal karmic imbalance. Thus, consciously working on these "life lessons" can bring us to increased happiness and fulfillment. If we over-emphasize and fall back on the qualities of our South Node, at the expense of developing our North Node, we may have a difficult time feeling personally successful.

Whether or not we consciously work on these lessons, events in our lives are likely to force us to confront them. In my experience, people often begin to confront and work on their North Node lessons in their thirties, whether or not they are aware of the issues through Astrology. Before this stage of our lives, we may be somewhat blind to our South Node tendencies.
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Fear is associated with South Node issues. The South Node position is very often a point of great insecurity. We very much want what is represented by the South Node position, whether that is order in our lives (South Node in Virgo/6th house) or satisfaction in partnerships (South Node in Libra/7th house). However, the only way we can feel successful in these areas is through working on the qualities of the opposite sign (North Node position). We may resist doing this quite fervently, especially in the first 30 years of our lives, partly because we cannot see that letting go of some of our obsessions, and working on the polarity, will bring satisfaction to the South Node areas. Thus, the North Node represents a point of challenge and growth. One feels somewhat awkward and uncertain in the areas represented by the North Node (its sign and house). The North Node can also be considered a point of inflow. We need help with our North Node issues, and we often meet people who will help us confront these issues."

That's a lot to digest! To summarize, the gist of the nodal axis, in my opinion, is balance.  The South Node is over-developed and the North Node is under-developed, so we must challenge ourselves to incorporate North Node in our lives. South Node is not to be abandoned totally, or looked at something inherently malefic. The lesson is found in integrating qualities of both, which is a more holistic view of life, and one that I ascribe to.

Some associations for South Node include: past/inherent karma, the past, childhood, regression, old habits and comforts, over-development. North Node: karmic mission, progression, growth, challenge, future, under-development. Transits are typically interpreted as conjunct, which makes sense for an axis. Some issue or person, which the transiting planet represents, is brought to awareness in accordance with the node it is aspecting. For example, Venus conjunct South Node could be the end of a relationship and it depends on the native as to whether this is a "loss" or the resolution of the relationship and an opportunity to begin anew. No matter what happens in life, it is my firm belief that anything can be used as an opportunity for growth.

I am trying to think of how to interpret the square to the nodal axis, as it aspects both the North and South node. Speaking of which, I have natal Jupiter square nodal axis within 2 degrees. Planets aspecting the nodal axis in a natal chart need to be factored in. Jupiter is all about expansion, so issues of faith, overconfidence, overextension, and boundaries need to be considered in achieving balance.

I imagine the South Node as a wellspring of energy, a gift inherited in this life (time). The North Node is a potentiality reservoir, that when activated, achieves a harmony that facilitates growth. What would be the purpose of balancing the axis? Surely not for the sake of balance itself! The energy from the South Node needs to be pushed or directed towards the North Node, so that the potentiality is actualized instead of merely circulating in the South.

Being conscious of the need to assimilate the North Node, when any transit aspects the axis, we can seize the opportunity to further advance. When Venus conjuncts my South Node this Halloween, karmic issues surrounding my values, finances, creativity, and relationships will be presented. Values are at the core of this axis, and my South Node being in Scorpio: crisis, intensity, spiritual plane, merging/dependency, transformation. North Node: stability, steady growth, material plane, independence, perseverance.

Something I've realized in interpreting astrology for myself, is that I need to be "harsher". To be as brutally honest with myself as possible, not shying away from things I easily turn a blind eye to. I think I have a tendency to view life as a roller coaster ride, a series of intense moments. For the last 10 years, I can honestly say I've dealt with crises of increasing intensity. Basically, there is a focus on the spiritual world and negligence of the material. The question is: how can I use my spiritual attunement/intense desires to create or build something tangible with real (monetary) value? How can I develop my own self-worth to work towards securing peace, instead of depending on, or expecting others to constantly rescue me from crises (my own negligence)?

The answer is in my chart. From here on out, I'm going to use the nodal axis as the nucleus or prime point to which the rest of the chart supports. As stated on Astro.com: "Rather, it seems to function as a doorway into other dimensions, where we can sometimes glimpse or sense our soul's purpose and pattern, our entelechy, the deeper purpose and function of our existence. And this can be very different from the more conscious or worldly goals we set for ourselves." OK, enough for today! Let's explore the various axes another time.

7th House Uranus Survival Guide

Rereading interpretations of Uranus transiting 7th house and Uranus conjuncting Moon, I gained more clarity into what is happening. I've compiled this survival guide, with a few excerpts from other sites, so that others dealing with the same transits can get more perspective. I hope it helps, it's already helping me.

Timeline:

June 2014 (Uranus crossing DC, conjuncting Moon) Began dating a woman
July 2014 (Uranus retrograding) We had a "talk" to establish our "unconventional" relationship, that was very liberating
August 2014 (Uranus crossing DC) Begin relationship with another woman
September 2014 (Uranus separating DC and Moon) Last time we would see each other, unbeknowst to me
October 8, 2014 (Lunar Eclipse) After weeks of not seeing each other, I "end" things, seeking closure. Quit my job suddenly (Uranus now in 6th house)
October 23, 2014 (Solar Eclipse) The second woman I met leaves
December 22, 2014 (Uranus goes direct) Lessons learned, ready to move forward?
December 24, 2014 (Saturn returns) ?
March 2015 (Uranus conjuncts Moon) Beginning of a relationship?
April 2015 (Uranus crosses DC) Beginning of a relationship?
July 2015 (Uranus goes retrograde) Redefining/restructuring the relationship?
December 2015 (Uranus crosses DC and goes direct) Beginning of a relationship?
July 2021 (Uranus leaves 7th house!!)

So, recently I switched from whole sign houses back to Placidus, after doing a bit of research. Under whole sign houses, Uranus had been in my 7th house since 2012. However, this timeline, which is according to Placidus house system, makes a lot more sense. Looks like crossing the DC definitely results in a new relationship. I wonder how other planets crossing the DC manifest? I would prefer to not be single until March!

Doing this was actually very assuring, even if also a bit intimidating/disheartening. One part of me says with resignation "This is only the beginning?" Another part says, "It's only the beginning!" It is tough to predict how things will go for the next 7 years, especially for the most unpredictable planet. I can only imagine how different 28 year old me and 35 year old me are. Yet, if this rhythm holds true, the "worst" is over in a little over a year. By "worst," I mean tumultuous, since sensitive points such as the DC and Moon won't be aspected again.

After December next year, the next 7th house transit is Uranus Opposition Pluto, from roughly June 2019 to April 2020. I don't even want to think about that...it sounds like a very tough transit but those are usually where we can grow the most. Uranus conjunct North Node, from roughly July 2020 to March 2021. North Node transits always have that "fated" feel. I know North Node represents what we need to grow towards and Uranus is about expanding awareness and liberation, so this will likely not be the easiest transit either.

Beyond 2021, even though Uranus leaves my 7th, it enters my 8th. I have a lot of planets in opposition for the next 7 years. So basically, relationships, sex, and money are going to be pretty crazy until my 40s. I thought I was really going through it now, but it looks like there's a lot more in store. I'm glad I looked ahead, it really gave me some perspective. Let's look at what some other sites have to say regarding Uranus 7th house/conjunct Moon transits:

From The Astrology Place:
"Uranus transits in the 7th house don‘t always mean that a relationship is divorce prone or uncooperative at this time
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Often the people we attract are different and we learn how to relate differently.
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The ability to cope with constant flux in the relationship during this seven-year stretch of Uranus is often needed. Whatever the scenario a certain amount of detachment and objectivity is helpful, and this doesn’t mean cold detachment, but a free-spirited attitude to social interactions."

From The DK Foundation:
"When Uranus transits the 7th House a person is freed from tendencies and habits in his relationships, which threaten his future development, both as an individual and as a partner. Yet, as this is H7 and the polar opposite of H1, the situations that give him his freedom at this time, are frequently the reverse of what he wills. When Uranus transits the cusp of H7 (the Descendant), a relationship frequently ends at the request of the partner or its boundaries have to be redefined in order to give the partner more room for maneuver. It is notable, however, that whenever this is the case, a person rapidly comes to realize that although this was not the outcome which he sought, it is nonetheless for the best and the experience usually makes him more aware of his own negative tendencies in relationships.

By the time Uranus leaves the 7th House a person usually has a much clearer idea of what, for him, represents healthy relating. In consequence, relationships based on the old patterns may be discarded on his own initiative, if they cannot be redefined."

From Astrology Library:
"Perhaps one person is required to be away from the other for long periods of time. This position may give many long distance, "casual" types of relationships. 

For a successful partnership, you and your partner will need to develop the qualities of tolerance, cooperation, detachment and freedom."

From The Future Minders:
"Often we fear letting go of our accustomed ways even when they may prevent us from achieving greater happiness. You tend to step out of character for awhile, which can mean a temporary break from the same old routine. Satisfying your usual interests is likely more difficult now as they may no longer have the same appeal, and you usually have a taste for something different. If you really desire to break free from old patterns that seem to restrain you, this is an excellent time to initiate steps to make your personal life more in synch with what you really want.
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Often this cycle affects your feelings, where you react more directly, especially if you usually avoid expressing your emotions. You generally are less predictable in how you respond, which can cause problems for those close to you. Understanding friends and partners should appreciate different sides that you may reveal suddenly for the first time.
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Regardless of how it manifests, this is a time that periodically upsets your routines. Success depends on how much you want to change particular patterns and how attached you are to whomever or whatever represents security."

From The Dark Pixie Astrology:
"Wanting to break free and be different, you could do things that don’t quite seem like you. It probably is you, just a you that hasn’t been accessed in a long time (or ever)."

From The Astrology X-Files:
"Because Uranus represents freedom and sudden surprises, you can expect any number of the following situations: loss of home or household or inability to depend upon your mother or female relatives, reactions from women that cause you to feel upset, a feeling of estrangement from your environment (that you don't belong) and an inability to depend on or take for granted the usual comforts of your life (like household applicances that spark with electrical fires or just stop working). Your domestic situation is bound to be in a state of turmoil and unsettledness that will make it hard for you to maintain emotional equilibrium. As a result you may begin to detach from those things in your life that are currently upsetting. You are going through a period of emotional change that will ultimately make you more emotionally independent and self reliant. The saying, "You can't go home anymore." should ring true to you now. The positive side of this is that your freedom will be enhanced by the end of this period."

From Cafe Astrology:
"You're also apt to find yourself much more discontented and impatient than normal, without quite knowing what would feel better or what you really want instead. Women, family members, and your intimates may behave unreliably or in new ways that demand you change in some significant way. Since "no one likes change but a wet baby", this can be a very trying but ultimately freeing time period for you.

Positive Potentials:

A liberation of the "wild woman" or "wild man" within you - your own free, natural instincts and core energy. Letting go of limiting, depleting, suppressed emotions, attitude, and roles. Learning to trust and to let go.

Negative Potentials:

Increased physical and emotional distress or anxiety, as you try to adjust to the waves of inner and outer change in your life. Mood swings, erratic emotions, insecurity, disequilibrium."

From Astrology Bits:
"The keyword is emotional upheaval. The deeper meaning is a profound emotional cleanse that will take place, with or without our consent. The entire emotion apparatus will be changed from the roots, outdated structures will be updated and, in the process, some serious noise will be generated. That may include, but not be limited to:

• sudden change of moods
• separation issues
• attachment issues
• violent enthusiasm followed by deep depression
• more visibility in the public eye
• a sense of rush and impatience

If you’re a man, be very careful at women during this transit. You may attract unusual partners, females that seem so uncontrollably attractive, surrounded by an electric aura, yet somehow unavailable. If there is a relation, then it will be incredibly intense and… short. Some of the relationships born under these circumstances may last, but, most of the time, they don’t. They’re created as tools, as ways to modify some of the calcified emotional responses, which are not useful anymore in our lives."

I re-joined a dating site I've used a few days ago, and quit this morning. Last night, I joined FetLife, which seemed great, maybe more of what I was looking for. However, it was a bit of a Pandora's Box. First of all, I found my (ex? the girl I who I ended things with on the 8th) on the site. It was like I had seen a ghost, I felt hollow inside but this old feeling rose up. After I while, I realized that it was triggering something deeper than her and that was what really needed my attention. Issues regarding my sexual expression made it uncomfortable at times to navigate the site. I felt the clash of old attitudes/comforts with exploration and uncertainty. The question: Is this a path I really want to explore or does this discomfort mean it's just not for me?

Knowing I have Venus in Scorpio, I feel like I'm never going to be able to have sexual relationships without emotional attachments, which complicates a lifestyle in which sharing partners is a very real possibility. To further complicate things, I think I have a good deal of jealousy for people who can live that lifestyle, as it seems so exciting, free, and interesting. Looking ahead, it will serve me better to head into the storm than avoid it. I had this idea of finding a soulmate, getting married, and having children sooner rather than later. The woman envisioned in this scenario is 'Eve', who is submissive yet never truly satisfies me (sexually). We may not have a super exciting life, but it is stable and wholesome. In the other reality, I'm a bad boy, party animal, starkly different than the person people have gotten to know me as. I've always liked to party but this guy is ALL about it. The women envisioned in this scenario are 'Lilith', they are wild and more dominant, embodying my (sexual) fantasies. Nothing is stable in that scenario and there is a lot of risk involved.

Going forward, I'm going to be vigilant towards limiting attitudes. A new phase is being ushered in. I bet a lot about me will remain the same, or even become more pronounced. But some parts of me are going to have to die, because they are no longer serving me in the new phase. Neverland is fun but the real world is here. This is a time to be all in. What an odd feeling of being between worlds. The next 15 years are going to be quite the ride and this is only the beginning...

Fantasy vs. Reality: Saturn approaches

Two things stuck out to me when my dad read my palm/birth chart: 1) you're gonna marry an Aries 2) you're gonna come out of your shell later in life, around 25. We never had any intimate conversations and even when I tried to talk to him about palmistry/astrology, he didn't say much. I treasure those words, regardless of their veracity. Now, I'm in a space where life is changing...things are starting to make sense. The pain of living in a fantasy is yielding to the pleasure of living in reality.

Saturn will return to its position in my natal chart in a little over 2 months. Having been born with Saturn conjunct Sun, almost exactly, I think this is a huge moment. I've been carrying around these expectations of life for so long and I'm finally beginning to understand how I will have to work to make them reality. That realization is in itself, liberating.

Responsibility, duty, accountability...these always had some dread attached to them. Now I understand, to be truly free, I have to embrace them. These are also terms that are attached to a goal or objective, so without one, it is hard to really understand what we're being responsible to. Consistency, diligence, these things go hand in hand. This is the blueprint for building something that lasts, strong enough to survive the winds of "gain" and "loss." The mission puts everything into perspective.

This is just the beginning. Wisdom isn't anesthesia for pain. Desire isn't enough. Whatever is in the window has a price, and whining won't pay the bill. Life is a fierce struggle, sometimes things come easy but it's better to plan for battle. New self has all these realizations but old self is clinging to the old way. Old self tells obvious lies about the changes in an effort to survive but it has to die for new self, the same way a snake has to shed old skin for new.

I've just gotten tired of lamenting the gap between fantasy and reality because I'm too lazy to build a bridge. Because I'm so desperate to give my power to everything but myself. Because I'm so anxious to wait for it. Because I'm too proud to partner with my emotions and feelings and insist on keeping a gulf of rationale between us. It's like I can't levitate until I acknowledge the law of gravity.

Work pays off. For a while, I held this in theoretical esteem and momentary contempt. Old self tries to hold me hostage with beautiful memories. Immobilizing me with the "greatness" of the past, as if moving forward will invalidate that. It won't. Revenge isn't necessary for progress. It isn't necessary to resolve the past and move forward. The past can be what it is, no need to create pain in the absence of its pleasures. And, I'm rising...

At the top is an image of Peitho, the goddess of persuasion, just because.

Blood Moon: Liberation

So, yesterday was crazy! I have been working this temp job where I've had to deal with a lot of side issues because of my (excellent) performance. A young, educated Black male amongst mostly older, not-as-educated white females (and co-workers in general). I'm not one to get into race politics but I can't deny my experience: this dynamic is troublesome. Anyways, not to sound elitist, but I didn't belong there...I was there because I haven't had the confidence and self-worth to go for what I want in life. I also haven't had a solid direction.

Anyways, last Friday there was a boil over. There was a revolt against the alphabet, order, and logic, which is insane considering we're working with files. I can't remember how it happened but three women ganged up on me to get me to believe that 1+1=3 and I was dumb for thinking it's 2. I was doing anywhere from 3-5 drawers a day, most of them were doing 1, maybe 2. They were literally telling me slow down. When I wouldn't listen, the social tectonic plates had shifted too much, and being the odd man out (literally), they resorted to base tactics.

Yesterday, there was an issue that perfectly illustrated my point. I asked my supervisors about it and they agreed (?). Then I asked my co-worker for the one odd file out in her drawer, so I could put it back in alphabetical order, and she began arguing with me. I told her to talk to the supervisor about it, and she agreed...with her. I got so mad, they didn't even matter anymore (in the sense that my anger wasn't directed at them). The anger was a physical sensation. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I was done. At first, there was some fear, considering I don't have another job and that was the only day I worked this week. But at 1:30, I took the leap.

As I walked to my car, I shed the skin of fear. It was a moment from a movie. I drove home, and slowly felt this odd sense liberation. I had taken my life into my own hands. Sure, other people think the decision was crazy. But I'm not them. I'm me! Was my decision wrapped up in ego? Perhaps. The analysis isn't as important as the action. The action was positive. I feel more motivated than ever in life. Ever seen Dark Knight Rises? Not to spoil it, but there's a scene where he's trying to climb out of the underground prison. Everyone ties a rope to themselves, and when they fail, although its painful, they don't die. Bruce says he's not afraid and the doctor says that's the problem. Make the climb without the rope and fear will find you.

I came home and drank a little something to help me calm down. A girl I had been in limbo with was online and you know, drinking + Facebook. I was pretty emotional and upfront about how I don't think we're going to see each other anymore and I would rather have closure than limbo. And so it ended. The emotions didn't last too long beyond the conversation, amazingly. I had been dealing with the prospect for a while, assuming it was done. That pain, sadness, feeling of loss, turned into bliss. What was happening to me today??! Libra gave way to Aries.

I've always know how talented, intelligent and fierce I am but I wasn't living that way. My actions didn't reflect it. I was my own worst enemy. Leaving that job was my way of saying no more! Resolving things with the girl was my way of saying no more! I feel so good right now! I'm ready to go out and make something incredible happen. I've definitely changed and of course, am still growing.

Last year around this time, the blood moon was a crucial moment but it was full of fear and I didn't feel in control. I was fired. I was crushed. I was hopeful but felt helpless. This year, I crossed the threshold to liberate myself. True, it also felt 'beyond my control', as if decision was necessary. Here I am, on the other side. I have no regrets. This may be one of the best decisions I've made in my life so far!

October Predictions

September was crazy but more in the sense that I felt I never really had a resting moment. I worked one temp job then switched to another. A girl I had been seeing for months...its over? I don't like question marks but I don't like goodbyes either. There was a lot of tension in my new place, getting adjusted to my roommate/psuedo-landlords rules. I definitely experienced a turning point in terms of personal growth (started the 21st).

October is eerily quiet. The chill of decision is in the air...the crucial moment approaches. Uranus is retrograding away from my crazy Mars-ASC opp Moon axis, which is probably while I feel like I've caught my breath. But Mercury has goes retrograde today, and there are 2 eclipses, a lunar on the 8th and solar on the 23rd. Last month, I was too busy to face my fear of the unknown. Now, we're both in room together. The other girl I've been dating since August, she's leaving for a few months on the 22nd or 23rd, so I may have no lady friend for a while. I want to move before the end of month and so does my landlady! This temp job ends around the 24th I believe.

This is one of the biggest tests in my life and certainly a defining moment. Saturn returns in a couple months and I turn 29 next month. I know I deserve and embrace a better life of financial independence and abundant love. I have to head into the darkness of the unknown and make it happen. I don't even have the luxury of "is it possible?" I must win. What is the alternative? Be jobless, homeless, carless, and ladyless? No thanks. I have plenty of self-worth and know happiness isn't found in those things but let's be honest: no one wants to live like that. This isn't about intelligence or creativity, its about courage and discipline. See you on the other side!

Today, the Sun is trining Jupiter, and of course I have a day of celebration. This morning I have my monthly Buddhist meeting, then a potluck, then a birthday party, all in a row. Jupiter sextiles Mars and trines Moon until the 7th, so today is likely all that action. The energy and flow is right today! Great time for professional opportunities, if I can just find time to get away from the parties! I already have a place or 2 I'd like to apply in person.

From the 8th-13th, Jupiter trines Uranus, which means unexpected opportunities and "windfall" fortune. The 9th has Sun Opp Moon, Venus Trine Jupiter, and Mars trine Uranus. In all my experience, when that many transits are occurring within the same day, something significant materializes. That is a great day to take a chance. Also during this time: Sun conjunct Mars, Sun sextile Uranus, Venus Opp Moon, Venus conjunct Mars. So, these first 2 weeks are primetime.

The 8th is also the day of the Lunar Eclipse. Great for facing for my fears and liberating myself! After the 13th, there's no more "action" til the eclipse on the 23rd, which is a threshold moment. A transformation, a new beginning. One thing I've been learning is to let my emotions have their space without beating myself up, as if I've done something wrong and that's why I'm experiencing them. I'm learning to experience and feel the wisdom that arises naturally instead of trying to forcibly intellectualize them to escape the pain. The 23rd is also the anniversary of my father's death and the day my "last" love leaves. I will definitely be going through this alone, which I embrace.

The month ends with a conjunctions to Pluto from Venus and the Sun on the 29th and 29th. The theme of this month is definitely facing my fears, transformation and coming into my own power. Very Scorpio/Pluto. It's not too late! I will be rewarded on the basis of my efforts. I just need to take that first step into the unknown.