May Horoscope: Tarot

I decided to take a look at the upcoming month using a Celtic Cross spread. I have seen a few variations but I do mine like this:


                                 5                     10

                   4           1/2         6          9
                                                         8
                                 3                      7

1. Heart/central issue - Lust XI
2. Obstacle/challenge - Works (3 of disks)
3. Root/foundation/feeling - Death XIII
4. Past/background - Failure (7 of disks)
5. Conscious influence/goal - The Devil XV
6. Future/immediate result - Oppression (10 of wands)
7. Querent/self-image - Strife (5 of wands)
8. External influences/how others see querent - Luxury (4 of cups)
9. Hopes and fears/querent's attitude towards question - Victory (6 of wands)
10. Final outcome/likely result - Queen of disks
 *Quintessence: Lust XI

First off, Lust has been coming up in almost all the readings I've done. Coming up as both the central issue and quintessence means there is something to work through. Second, there is a good amount of Saturn/Capricorn energy (The Devil, Failure, Strife, Oppression, Works). The 2 main energies are fire and earth. Even in the center, Lust (fire/Leo) is crossed by Works (earth/Mars in Capricorn), so ideals are being challenged by reality.

My initial questions are: What does Death mean? What does Luxury mean? Who is The Queen of disks? I know May is a 2 month, keywords being: peace/harmony/diplomacy/cooperation, relationships, intuition, feminine. That 2 energy is reflected in the Queen of disks and Luxury. Saturn is Rx in Sagittarius (Oppression) making its second pass around the end of the month into June.

Works is about focus/concentrated effort and its resulting achievement. I have always struggled with discipline and focus, as my energy seems to scatter about impulsively. To achieve what I want, I'm going to need to be diligent and focus my energy on one area, which should be career. I know it's my career. My mind is just usually preoccupied with women and relationships, which may be even more so in a 2 month with 3 or 4 love interests.

Speaking of love interests, who is the Queen of disks? It is an earthy woman, traditionally feminine, domestic, sensual, instinctual, practical, and inclined to abuse alcohol/drugs (?). Clearly Capricorn energy based on the imagery, so she fits right in. The 2 court cards that I feel attracted to and represent the women I like are Queen of disks and Princess of wands. So whenever I see them, it signals a love interest more than anything. So, I want the Queen of Disks but my desire is blocked/thwarted by Oppression.

There is also conflict in Strife and I recognize that. But 2 is all about cooperation. I usually try to do things on my own and shy away from actually taking advice. Resolving this energy block within myself will open up the channels. What is the energy block? It may be that I'm trying too hard! Lust isn't about force, in fact, its about trust. The Death card may be telling me to 'let go' of past failures (7 of disks) in regards to both relationships and career.

The Devil is the shadow, the old enemy we would rather ignore than engage, which ironically is what gives him power. It advises that if I continue ignoring my career/responsibility, I may continue to be frustrated. Change is necessary, and the Queen of disks values a man who can achieve and produce tangible success. I would like to think she is looking over the desert in longing for her king to return. The desert is the challenge I must face to get back to my queen.

Luxury (4 of cups) is interesting. The 8th card is supposed to be the environment, external influences, how others see us. This card deals with stagnation and complacency. It is a warning not to think everything is great just because it appears to be. It also deals with emotional stability. Not necessarily a 'bad' card or 'good' card, but more towards the latter. Traditionally, the meaning of this position is 'that which surrounds you'. Being surrounded by a luxury of love sounds like a good thing to me! Unlike Abundance (3 of cups), which is overflowing, Luxury is more about what is already there. I need to take advantage of my network in jumpstarting my career.

Lust refers to lust for life and is ruled by Leo. What passion! There is ecstasy and magic in this card. I read that Crowley saw himself as The Great Beast (lion) and his partners as the scarlet woman (woman). There is more sexual energy present than The Lovers. Leos have always been my protectors (father, aunt and uncle). It is my sun/moon midpoint. I used to be sold that I would marry a Leo (we'll see).

No card in the deck is more sensual/sexual. As the 11th trump (of 22 arcana), it is the climax! This card is burning with desire. Integration is a key word...the beast is neither repressed/suppressed or allowed to simply roam free. The fire of creation is here, in her right hand she holds the holy grail, a chalice of creative energy. In her right hand, she holds the reins of the beast. I have been struggling with this very passionate side of myself and how to use it to propel myself towards greater success. Seeing Works cross Lust, I feel I need to focus that energy on one area, instead of letting the beast simply run loose wherever it wants. Consciously use that passion and energy toward a goal.

The Devil (I) knows my weakness. The sun will be in my 8th house (sex) for almost the whole month. I need to create something in May. I can't enter June back at square one. Maybe I need a job (Works) where I can expression my passion (Lust) for life. Lust has come up when I asked about career before. The 8th house and the number 8 also allude to reward/harvest, power, resources, career, and karma. Saturn also returns this month, which also deals with these issues. I can achieve something great if I can focus and concentrate my efforts, even if it seems difficult (Oppression) at first.

9 of Swords: Cruelty

This is one of the cards I usually hope doesn't come up in a reading (along with the 10 of swords). Swords are the least 'positive' of all the tarot suits. A lot of fear comes up when this card surfaces, particularly because putting a positive spin on it feels like a miserable attempt...denial. With tarot, I find myself trying to reconcile divination vs. fatalism vs. truth. I have also only been doing self readings, which lack more of the objectivity I would have reading for someone else. Join me in demystifying this card a bit.

In this card is the cruelty inherent in humanity...everyone possesses it. Cruelty we inflict on others, others inflict on us, and inflict on ourselves. There is oppression and tyranny, a reminder of just how dark we can be. While horrific acts of violence and torture still take place in our world today, more than likely this refers to ourselves. This is the horror of our own minds (swords=air=mind/intellect), suffering that cannot be escaped simply by rationalizing. So in a way, what I said earlier about being unable to put a positive spin on this card is true.

In the Rider-Waite deck, the image on this card shows a woman awakening from a nightmare. Even though nightmares aren't real, the mind makes them 'real', producing fear and anxiety. This card can signal the torture of endlessly worrying about a situation...and the possibility of that anxiety being a self-fulfilling prophecy. So there is a warning: if you continue to agonize over this situation, your worst fear could become reality. What is the absolute truth? No matter what the situation is, there is always a potential for failure, disappointment, or things not going according to plan.

Most of my readings have been regarding a developing relationship with a co-worker. The readings have been very positive and accurate....which has somehow led to more skepticism. Even after getting this card in position 10 (final outcome in Celtic Cross), I did a few more clarifying drawings...which were again overwhelmingly positive. Yet, here I am, attaching myself to this card, as if to say 'ha! I knew it! I don't deserve this wonderful potential outcome because the reality is, my love life is torture!'.

The primary emotions in this card are anger and anxiety, I see a very active disturbance, just as one would have during a nightmare. I say this to distinguish from the 3 of swords, Sorrow, which carries a lot of disappointment and despair. This is active pain we feel while being tormented, not the coping or despondence afterwards. Not the pain that is so bad we wouldn't wish it on someone else, but the pain so bad we would inflict on someone else. Cyclical vengeance.

What is the advice then? Life isn't fair, so how do we respond? We cannot allow our fear to control us, that is no way to live! Something terrible could happen at any moment, and all of us experience this at some (several) point. There is also a dark truth connected to nature: look at the carnivore. A deer being torn apart by a pack of wolves may be a gruesome sight but that's how they survive. Our conscience/ethics/morals will not feed those wolves, in the same way that we cannot think ourselves out of our pain or find reason in the pain we experience. Survival of the fittest.

The ten of swords (Ruin) shows an end but the nine isn't quite there yet. Sometimes, the cruelest fate is to survive. But this being an active form of suffering could really signal a tough time, weathering the storm, going through what feels like a string of bad luck. When I start doing readings for others, the questions I ask will be very important. To myself now, I ask: what is my fear around this relationship with her? Self-sabotage, stemming from a belief that I don't deserve this right now and/or it will end badly. And to myself, I advise: the mind is powerful and nothing predicts the future like your beliefs. There is always risk when true love is involved...love til it hurts! Be open, you may be surprised at how much you grow! Release yourself from the (worry of) outcome...stop overanalyzing, living in your mind. Trust your instincts and intuition. Being able to love (and live) fully is a much greater victory than her becoming my girlfriend or not!

Eclipse Energy

Eclipse energy is always a threshold...ending and beginning. The most noticeable influence was in the dating world, since that's where most of my focus has been. In the week leading up to Saturday, I seemed to find a peace. At first, all my first dates were cancelling before our second date. Then, I stopped caring, and just dropped any flakes or reschedules. There wasn't some grand epiphany or emotional event, I just didn't care.

I've been spending a lot of time with a co-worker, and we've let our mutual interest be known, even though she is in a (bad?) relationship. I like her but my emotional wisdom has built a moat. I thought maybe we would get intimate Saturday or that she may have ended her situation, due to the energy of the eclipse. Instead, we continued to connect deeply but as we sat in the park, I felt awkward. We couldn't see the moon. My energy was indecisive and after a while, I couldn't really speak.

After we parted ways, I was very reflective. Not so much about her, but my life in general. I felt slightly disappointed, more resigned. "This Uranus conjunct Moon energy! Curses!" I felt as if a great wind was blowing through my life, blowing everything I want away. But my perception shifted the next morning. I needed to widen my perspective, which is Uranus' function. I did a tarot spread, asking what was up in my love life. At first, I tried to make the cards fit what I was feeling but then, as the day went on, they opened me up to a new possibility.

I realized that if there is a great wind, I should build sails!! Strong ones!! Love is a tempest. I've been begging for it all this time but too blind and lazy to actually deal with it. Following the path of least resistance. I needed to focus on my higher purpose again. Finding happiness within myself. Otherwise, I will not have the strength to navigate the vicissitudes of love. I had to understand that I could lose as well, for love always involves risk. And by love, I mean in the highest sense, which also includes love for self.

I feel this amazing potential for deep connection with my co-worker, and I almost tried to have another conversation around how I feel. But now, I'm just going to see how things develop. Not in a passive sense, but in a patient sense. Talking about crossing a bridge isn't crossing it and some things are better left unsaid. She has fixed energy for sure (Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon) which can be tough for me, as I am very fiery (fast/action oriented, Air/Fire). I am trusting the universe...not that I will get what I want, but that the experience will be meaningful. I feel like I've separated myself from the outcome.The one thing I do hope, is that wherever our relationship goes, we have mutual feelings.

My sails are up! I'm the captain of the ship!

April Fool

Often, I think my motivation for learning about astrology, relationships or career, is so that I won't be a fool. I don't like feeling like I didn't get the memo. I see myself as extraordinarily bright and nothing humbles/crushes me like making a mistake I "shouldn't" make. So it is easy for all of it to become an exercise in mistake avoidance instead of the intentional embrace of growth and awareness. Lately, I have turned my focus more on the questions I'm asking instead of the answers.

Yesterday, I decided to read up on The Fool, the first card of the major arcana, without consciously connecting its association with April 1st. It had showed up in a few tarot readings I did regarding a coworker, in a positive position. All those readings have been very positive, yet, I was hesitant and wary based on my past experience. But what kind of questions had I asked in the past and what power did I ascribe to the cards? Tarot is definitely an exercise in intuition but it isn't the abandonment of logic or free will, unless one approaches it that way.

Let's begin anew today! Holism is the goal. 6 of swords (Science in the Thoth deck) also showed up numerous times in my romance queries. In context, it is the harmony of rational thought and emotion, neither in opposition to each other, as I so often feel. I relate it to the famous story of the Buddha, who ran to take the arrow out of the dying deer and relieve its suffering, while his 2 disciples debated life and death. Harmony or balance doesn't necessarily equate with neutrality or perfection, but acting in accordance with our highest purpose/self (which reveals itself more in our actions than our conception).

The Fool is alive with excitement, as I am looking at the possibilities for this month. March 30th, Uranus crossed my DC, which I have identified as a point when new relationships usually begin. That was the day my coworker decided to bring her feelings about our relationship out in the open. Fascinating. We have been talking everyday, having intense conversations. Today, we are going to get together for the first time outside of work.

Saturday, there is a lunar eclipse in Libra, which will be opposite my Mars. Eclipses are culminating energy...thresholds. Libra is also a sign of harmony and balance...see where this is going? This is a great time to look at things objectively, as it is easy to get caught in the flow of things. My job right now? Dissatisfaction can be great impetus for change, especially when you begin to weigh it against the reality of your potential. I have begun acting instead of merely carrying the burden begrudgingly.

Peace has become more of a focus, as I have found the energy of the city a bit overwhelming. At first, I was excited about the possibilities, which now I see more as distractions. The excitable, restless, and often destructive 5 energy of last year, has yielded to a desire for comfort, structure, and routine. I desire true partnership, in the romantic, platonic, and professional sense.

I've learned to be careful with desire, in terms of what that implies. "Gimme" mentality is shattering, as I realize we don't get want we want simply by being "good" people. The question is: what can I bring to the table? How can I balance the scales/reciprocate? If the time for harvest comes, but there have been no seeds planted and no soil worked, there is nothing to show. Also important, realistic expectations of desires fulfillment. A new relationship is just the beginning. A new job is just the beginning. Achievement has its moment, as it should, but the joy is also in the process.

April is my 1 month, so the energy of beginning anew is very present. I'm looking forward to beginning new journeys in career and relationship, now that I have made up my mind. I hope you're enjoying Spring wherever you are!!