Sun Conjunct Saturn

As I continue the search for a meaningful relationship, something profound is taking place. I am learning more about who I am and who I am not. I am defining myself, beginning to understand my limits. As a Sagittarian, and one who believes in unlimited potential, I have always rebelled against the concept of limitation. As I grow older however, I have begun to understand on a very intuitive level that limits are very real. Now, that understanding is becoming more explicit and it's great timing because Saturn Returns for me Christmas Eve 2014.

This defining of myself is actually very freeing! Knowing my limits actually gives me a greater degree of confidence and autonomy. These boundaries don't have to be super rigid, but I need to know where I can and can't compromise. I kind of dated a 50-something year old woman for a few weeks. Just felt weird, couldn't do it. As I get older, I find that I can't really connect with the early 20s as much. Last weekend, I found I had greater success messaging women in the mid to late 30's. Why is that?

Typically, at that age people tend to know more about themselves and what they want, thus, they "get serious." They begin to seek qualities in relationships like emotional connection and stability. After viewing so many profiles of women my height and over, I realize they usually want someone taller and I'm not as comfortable being the shorter one. Therefore, I set height "under 5'9". That's just one way of beginning to set limits that actually bring you closer to what you want.

I'll tell you what is painful: realizing that physical attraction doesn't equal relationship success! Many of the ideas I once held (idealized) regarding relationships start to meet the reality. This is all Saturnian. Often, I've heard Saturn describe as the planet of limitation and contraction, which is still accurate but the context always seemed so blah and negative. Now, I look at it more like limitations and definitions that stem from wisdom and understanding. You learn that fire burns your hand and refrain from touching it. You're always free to touch the fire, but you will get burned. Now it makes sense why Saturn is called the planet of karma. Karma is neither good, nor bad. It is at once the actions we take and the consequences of those actions.

As I define my values, I begin to feel this amazing sense of freedom. I have Sun Conjunct Saturn in my natal chart, which I have always never quite understood. I have never felt very self-disciplined or reserved, like most interpretations suggest. But, I have always chosen not to be. Subsequently, I have yet to feel any real sense of fulfillment or achievement, though I remain optimistic. Now that I see Saturn in a very friendly light and understand its purpose in the human development cycle, I can begin working with it instead of rebelling against it.

-Shade