Here we are in March, with spring approaching. It has been a long winter. I've been working a lot. Things have been relatively quiet. A lot of my energy has been directing towards dating and I've reached an exhaustion point, realizing so many other things are being neglected. Sagittarian greed and Scorpio jealousy, what a combo. I've also changed my diet, since the month started. It has been easier to stick to and I'm confident its more of a lifelong change.
My good friend Uranus conjuncts my Moon and conjuncts my DC, opposites Mars. I've dealt with this before but learned that doesn't mean much (as in, it doesn't make the transit any easier). I noticed that relationships with women can be frustrating, unexpected. Relationships have a threshold around the DC, which means a new one could begin within the next month or so, which wouldn't be a stretch. I do have a few dates lined up.
Through the lens of Saturn, which goes retrograde the 15th, the big picture takes center stage. I've really questioned everything about the direction of my life in the last few weeks. Marriage, relationships, children, career, house...nothing at face value. I have this internal conflict between who I am, want to be, and want others to perceive me as. One one hand, I have this traditional, religious good guy who really inspires others and has nothing but the highest intentions. On the other, is a guy with no regard for tradition, who believes "goodie points" aren't worth anything and doesn't see morality as a priority.
Those two are really cartoons, just to illustrate the tension. I've never been completely one or the other but close enough. In college, I was very much like the "bad" guy and as a kid and the last few years, the "good" guy. Both have great traits...the "bad" guy is very much in tune with the cold reality of life. He knows there is no charity and that you have to claw your way to the top or wherever it is you are desiring to go. The "good" guy sees beyond this life, both in a personal sense and greater sense: he doesn't want to be remembered, or have a reputation, as being a selfish guy.
So there are two decision making processes. One which is concerned about the greater good and compromise, although, it wants to be recognized and rewarded for such efforts. The other, which is concerned with getting what it wants and doesn't care about being liked. Sounds like Mars in Libra vs. Moon in Aries to me. The thing is, the good guy has a bad side...he feels "above" being human, in the sense of, too good to be angry, or jealous, or any other thing we experience as humans. The bad guy has a good side, which is that he embraces his humanity and is more genuine for it.
Sexuality seems to be the tipping point. All my life, I've had a potent lust, I don't know how else to put it. Being raised Christian, sexuality was something to be repressed. In my Buddhist organization, sexuality isn't necessarily repressed but it isn't celebrated either. It doesn't necessarily tell you how you should live, but I have yet to find a model (person) who seems to follow my line of thinking. It is leading to a growing sense of alienation. The good guy can easily fit in but I can't help the nagging of inauthenticity. Chalk it up to a very Christian mother and a Occultist father.
On the 20th there is a solar eclipse in Pisces. I will go into more detail in another post, but it does signal a new beginning. The question is, what is beginning? Romantic relationship? I'm not even concerned with that at the moment but they say that's usually when it happens. As soon as you stop chasing it, it runs towards you.
No comments:
Post a Comment