Two things stuck out to me when my dad read my palm/birth chart: 1) you're gonna marry an Aries 2) you're gonna come out of your shell later in life, around 25. We never had any intimate conversations and even when I tried to talk to him about palmistry/astrology, he didn't say much. I treasure those words, regardless of their veracity. Now, I'm in a space where life is changing...things are starting to make sense. The pain of living in a fantasy is yielding to the pleasure of living in reality.
Saturn will return to its position in my natal chart in a little over 2 months. Having been born with Saturn conjunct Sun, almost exactly, I think this is a huge moment. I've been carrying around these expectations of life for so long and I'm finally beginning to understand how I will have to work to make them reality. That realization is in itself, liberating.
Responsibility, duty, accountability...these always had some dread attached to them. Now I understand, to be truly free, I have to embrace them. These are also terms that are attached to a goal or objective, so without one, it is hard to really understand what we're being responsible to. Consistency, diligence, these things go hand in hand. This is the blueprint for building something that lasts, strong enough to survive the winds of "gain" and "loss." The mission puts everything into perspective.
This is just the beginning. Wisdom isn't anesthesia for pain. Desire isn't enough. Whatever is in the window has a price, and whining won't pay the bill. Life is a fierce struggle, sometimes things come easy but it's better to plan for battle. New self has all these realizations but old self is clinging to the old way. Old self tells obvious lies about the changes in an effort to survive but it has to die for new self, the same way a snake has to shed old skin for new.
I've just gotten tired of lamenting the gap between fantasy and reality because I'm too lazy to build a bridge. Because I'm so desperate to give my power to everything but myself. Because I'm so anxious to wait for it. Because I'm too proud to partner with my emotions and feelings and insist on keeping a gulf of rationale between us. It's like I can't levitate until I acknowledge the law of gravity.
Work pays off. For a while, I held this in theoretical esteem and momentary contempt. Old self tries to hold me hostage with beautiful memories. Immobilizing me with the "greatness" of the past, as if moving forward will invalidate that. It won't. Revenge isn't necessary for progress. It isn't necessary to resolve the past and move forward. The past can be what it is, no need to create pain in the absence of its pleasures. And, I'm rising...
At the top is an image of Peitho, the goddess of persuasion, just because.
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